just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
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Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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