So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
