her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
