Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
