Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He felt like a one man threesome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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