I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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