i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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