my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
