I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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