Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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