I looked at my own cervix.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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