Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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