I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
