I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
