Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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