my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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