who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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