i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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