3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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