Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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