Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my being single is dangerous.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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