he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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