I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
