Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
