I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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