The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
