I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
