Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
