apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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