You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
