He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
be right there i have to get my cape
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
