So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
