I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
