at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
