please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
