Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
