So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
