no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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