Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
