so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
