Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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