Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
