And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
