i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
