I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
