I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
