Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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