Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
