Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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