As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
