What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
