so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
