but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
