I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
