..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
