We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
