Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
