He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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