i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
