Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
