you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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