why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
