I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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