Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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