his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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