I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
