All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
