I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
