T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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