I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
