Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
