I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
