Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
