last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize