fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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