Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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