remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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